It used to be that I never had time for anything. My days would be too occupied with school, homework, and maybe the occasional sleep. Each day I would feel exhausted, overworked, and stifled of creativity. Of course I had hobbies, but when discussing them, it felt like every conversation always ended with the phrase “if only I had more time.” Now, with the coronavirus outbreak, medical supplies are short, restaurants are dwindling, and toilet paper shelves are empty. I feel like time is the only thing left in overstock.

What to do with all this free time? First, I decided to become an artist. I took out my sketchpad, which normally was only opened once a week, and started to draw. Pencil is my main medium as I feel I get the most detail out of it. Usually, I tend to avoid colors and stick to a monochrome palette. I drew cups, bowls, still lifes, and my unmoving brother every day until I, eventually, got bored once again within the first week. 

Next, I wanted to become a musician .Now, I was already technically a “musician.” I play flute and piano and practice fairly consistently, but never as much as I want. I wanted to become a musician who could fluently play pieces at a moment’s notice. I wanted to be the center of attention at any dinner party with a piano, casually sitting in the living room. I wanted to be better, and I believed my lack of time was the key. I practiced every day for about two to three hours, working through old books, drills for technique, and learning new music. Until eventually, I got bored as well. 

Although time is a factor which has hindered me from pursuing hobbies, clearly it is not the only one. With almost all the time in the world, I still sit lazily in my room, completely unmotivated. Perhaps it is a call to the old adage of “you always want what you cannot have,” but I believe it is more than that. It is not that I do not enjoy the activities I do, but rather I despise the routine. The monotony, the sameness, of each passing day is unbearable to me. I want to be out with freedom to pursue whatever I want, not bound to the constraints of a dull daily regiment. I enjoyed drawing, until I realized I had to do it every day. I wanted to play piano, before I found myself sitting at the bench from 1-3PM daily. 

Of course, I still continue to pursue all of my hobbies, but more sporadically. Maybe, I will read that book I have always been meaning to. Or, I will do all of my online class assignments in one day so I have the rest of the week free (although, free time is what seems to have caused my dilemma in the first place). The scattered nature of my activities makes me feel more in control. It makes me believe that I have a choice, an opinion, in what I do each day. I dictate my daily routine, no one else. In this age of television broadcasting a death toll counter and people too afraid to take a walk on a warm spring day, this type of control is all we have left.