To: The clump of seniors that clog up the hallway — especially between sixth and seventh period

From: The rest of the Ward Melville population

The space at the bottom of the history wing stairs, 370 Old Town Road, East Setauket, NY, 11763

Dear Senior Wall,

I know. You guys have waited your whole lives to be able to stand at that wall. You’ve seen all The Greats in past years be inconvenient at that very same spot, and now it’s your time to shine. You’ve made friends with all the right people, you’ve finessed your way into The Group, and now, after two years of marveling at the legends standing at The Ward Melville Senior Wall, you FINALLY get to be one of those kids. I get it. This a matter of long-standing tradition, and I respect that.

The only thing is, The Wall is an issue.

This is nothing personal. I’m sure you’re all good people, and even if you’re not, I don’t have the time, energy, or capacity to care. I mean, I barely have the time, energy, or capacity to be up at 1AM on a Friday night writing this article, but that’s besides my point. I’m just saying that you guys couldn’t have possibly picked a worse spot to congregate.

Everyone in Ward Melville has at least one class up in the history wing, or down in the English/foreign language wing, neither of which can be accessed from downstairs without passing the Senior Wall. If you do the math, that means the space your group occupies is in the midst of the most heavily traveled area in the entire school at any given point in time. And unless you’ve got some rare speed-walking gifts, if you’re a kid trying to get from Chem all the way in Guam to English, you have absolutely no shot at being on time with the Senior Wall traffic. And God forbid you have to tie your shoe or stay late for a test, you were dead as it was, but the extra kanoodling means you’re at least five minutes late now. Most teachers understand, but if you’re showing up to Buckland or Eaton’s class more than four seconds after the bell you’re COOKED. Game over. RIP. I’m a firm believer that as seniors, it’s our responsibility to make the underclassmen miserable, but you’re also affecting other seniors. Most of us want out of high school enough already, and the last thing any of us are trying to do is get shredded by our teachers for being late.

That being said, my proposal is this: relocate to the lobby.

There’s a ton of space and natural light for your group to enjoy ten feet away from where you usually meet. Seriously, you guys could set up lawn chairs, a tent, and a dining table over there if you wanted, and it wouldn’t disrupt the flow of kids through the hallway whatsoever. Like, you could all lay down and fall asleep, or sit in a giant circle without being an inconvenience to kids trying to get to class on time. The possibilities for the ridiculousness to be pulled within this upgraded space are virtually endless. And besides, establishing the tradition of Senior Wall kids meeting up in the lobby instead of The Wall would be so much cooler of a legacy to leave than one of those obscure “senior gifts” previous classes have given to the school. I mean those awful murals across from the LGI by The Wall? The Class of 2017 can do better than that.

So please.

Do it for the children.